The Power of Words

It's summer time.  Teachers have summers off.  This is a common misconception for many, but unfortunately true for others.  I will spend time unplugging and spending quality time with my family to recharge my batteries.  After that, I am ready to spend time developing as a counselor and spending time reading about education and how to make things better.  I am involved in many different chats on twitter and have been building my PLN a lot this year.

The books I have read so far this summer are: CULTURIZE, BE THE ONE FOR KIDS, KIDS DESERVE IT, and LOST AT SCHOOL.  These books have different albeit similar views of education.  They talk about the importance of relationships with both kids and adults, being on fire for teaching and reaching kids, and helping all students, not just the ones who cooperate, but also the ones who challenge us day in and day out.

As I read book after book, this one theme kept gnawing at me.  The more I thought about it the more it kept popping up.  That theme is the power our words have on others.  It is also more than just the words.  It is the tone, intonation, it our body language, facial expressions and how we just plain say things.  I was reading KIDS DESERVE IT by Todd Nesloney and Adam Welcome yesterday while my wife was in the hospital, and this quote really spoke to me.

As teachers we have such a large impact on our students.  We can either build them up or tear them down.  How do we do this?  By what we say and do.  Our words will stick with students long past the time we had them in our class.  Things we say, we may not remember or think sticks with kids, but years down the line students will bring up you said this to me and I have never forgotten.

As people we want to be around those who build us up and make us better people.  What does that mean for our students?  They want to be around teachers who talk to them as they are important and worth having a conversation.  They want a teacher who will listen and invest in them and what they have to say.  They do not want a teacher who will dismiss them and act as though their feelings do not matter.  

Being a middle school counselor is the best job in the world.  You get to talk to kids who can have a conversation with you, but isn't afraid of being too old for other things.  This age group is so difficult.  The changes in their bodies, hormone changes and development, puberty, realizing that you like someone else,  and overly sensitive emotions make this age level so interesting to me.  In reality, this age group wants nothing more than to fit in, wants others to like them, and please their parents and teachers.  All this while dealing with the issues I just mentioned.  For some, this is a recipe for chaos.

It is important for teachers to remember and understand the importance of the social and emotional learning that takes place.  The way you talk to kids really cause different reactions to different kids.  There are kids who can take things and respond accordingly, and there are others who are challenging and will always be challenging.  These are the kids who we need to pay attention to how we speak.  They need more understanding and compassion.  The are also the ones that it is more difficult to show those things to, and as Rita Pierson said in her TED talk, "They are never absent!"

I had 3-4 students talk to me this year and constantly told me that the really appreciated the fact that I would listen and talk to them.  Not at them.  Students want to be heard.  Listening to student's concerns doesn't mean I am giving them what they want, but it lets them know that I care enough to hear what they are saying and willing to help them.  Talking down to students and being condescending will not build relationships with those students.  It builds up walls that that teacher will have a hard time breaking down ever again.  

I am going to finish with a video of Samuel Martin.  He is a 16 year old whose message in a TEDxYouth talk demonstrates the power that our words have.   In the video he mentions, "A wiseman speaks because he has something to say, but fools because they have to say something." 

 It is important that when we speak to our students that we speak to them in ways that builds them and their confidence.  As teachers, we need to ask ourselves if we would want a teacher to speak to our own child they way we speak to our challenging students.  If we are the ones who would be upset, then we better think about changing the way we speak to our students.  Using our words to embarrass or shame a child is uncalled for and has no place in education, or society for that matter.  

Being genuine, having empathy and investing in children are all products of how we talk to children and the use of our words.  Choose to build up kids!