2018 #oneword update.....#perseverance

At the beginning of the year, twitter was afire of the 2018 #oneword challenge.  I, along with many of my PLN, jumped on board.  My #oneword was #persevere.

The definition of perseverance is...steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

Upon further review of my choice, I was dean on in picking my word. 

This post is geared towards my personal life and not my professional life as an educator. 

A not so quick backstory as to why I chose the word perseverance.  In August 2017 my wife was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and had her thyroid removed in September.  The end of November comes along and she had to have a round of Radioactive Iodine Therapy to try to kill off any remaining thyroid tissue.  In the mean time, my wife had to have her lungs biopsied because of a lung nodule that had grown.  She had some complications with a collapsed lung and ended up changing doctors.  After a CT with the new doc, they decided to do a lung wedge resection to take the nodule and send it to pathology.  Those results came back positive for neuroendocrine cancer.  Never heard of that before.  Basically, it is what it sounds like.  It is a cancer that attacks areas of the endocrine system and she had tumors develop in her lungs.  She was then referred to a neuroendocrine oncologist who ran a specific type of PET scan to look for these tumors.  She has multiple of these tumors in both lungs, classifying her as stage IV.  My mother a week after my wife's surgery was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer.

Fast forward a few months.  My mom is cancer free and beat breast cancer!  My wife is currently battling her cancer.  There is not a cure for her cancer.  Since there are multiple tumors they cannot just remove a lobe of her lung.  She get a monthly injection that helps with the side effects of the tumors and helps stunt the growth of the tumors.  She is doing pretty well with the treatment.  During this time, she was diagnosed with a type of congestive heart failure.  While try to treat this, the cardiologist decided to do a heart cath (Friday 7/13).  The doc comes out and drops another bomb in my lap.  She has 75-95% blockages in her 3 main vessels of her heart.  We are now waiting to have a consult with the open heart surgeons to see what the plan of action will be.  There seems to be 3 options:  1. use multiple stents and use only stents  2. traditional open heart surgery (triple bypass) or 3. a hybrid approach (part open heart for the main vessel on the front and then stents for the other two).  The past 2 days have been very difficult and being the weekend nothing gets accomplished in the hospital. 

Thanks for letting me ramble about what all has happened.  I have not written this for people to feel sorry for my wife and I, rather I wanted to illustrate why my #oneword for the year is spot on. Persevere.  Success has not happened much, but I am remaining steadfast in regards to my wife's strength, positivity, and desire to beat anything.

My wife is the love of my life, my best friend, and the person who is always there for me no matter what comes my way.  I am in awe of how she has battled these nasty diseases.  One would have been enough for some, but she has had to take blow after blow, and she has only come out stronger.  She totally amazes me.  I just said all of what my wife was.  She has become something even greater.  She is MY HERO.

Now, how does this tie into my career as a counselor?  I am going to begin my year with all of my 6-8th graders by choosing their #oneword for the school year.  It can be a word for school or personal.  I am then going to do a classroom lesson geared towards grit and perseverance.  Using this example, will let the kids connect to me and see that everyone has something going on in their lives.  We can let these issues take over our lives, or we can choose to stand up and, like my wife, fight with all our might to live life to the fullest and get what we want out of this life we live.

It is our choice.  We can let the situation define us, or we can choose to define the situation!  It is our choice!  Choose to persevere and define your situation!

The Power of Words

It's summer time.  Teachers have summers off.  This is a common misconception for many, but unfortunately true for others.  I will spend time unplugging and spending quality time with my family to recharge my batteries.  After that, I am ready to spend time developing as a counselor and spending time reading about education and how to make things better.  I am involved in many different chats on twitter and have been building my PLN a lot this year.

The books I have read so far this summer are: CULTURIZE, BE THE ONE FOR KIDS, KIDS DESERVE IT, and LOST AT SCHOOL.  These books have different albeit similar views of education.  They talk about the importance of relationships with both kids and adults, being on fire for teaching and reaching kids, and helping all students, not just the ones who cooperate, but also the ones who challenge us day in and day out.

As I read book after book, this one theme kept gnawing at me.  The more I thought about it the more it kept popping up.  That theme is the power our words have on others.  It is also more than just the words.  It is the tone, intonation, it our body language, facial expressions and how we just plain say things.  I was reading KIDS DESERVE IT by Todd Nesloney and Adam Welcome yesterday while my wife was in the hospital, and this quote really spoke to me.

As teachers we have such a large impact on our students.  We can either build them up or tear them down.  How do we do this?  By what we say and do.  Our words will stick with students long past the time we had them in our class.  Things we say, we may not remember or think sticks with kids, but years down the line students will bring up you said this to me and I have never forgotten.

As people we want to be around those who build us up and make us better people.  What does that mean for our students?  They want to be around teachers who talk to them as they are important and worth having a conversation.  They want a teacher who will listen and invest in them and what they have to say.  They do not want a teacher who will dismiss them and act as though their feelings do not matter.  

Being a middle school counselor is the best job in the world.  You get to talk to kids who can have a conversation with you, but isn't afraid of being too old for other things.  This age group is so difficult.  The changes in their bodies, hormone changes and development, puberty, realizing that you like someone else,  and overly sensitive emotions make this age level so interesting to me.  In reality, this age group wants nothing more than to fit in, wants others to like them, and please their parents and teachers.  All this while dealing with the issues I just mentioned.  For some, this is a recipe for chaos.

It is important for teachers to remember and understand the importance of the social and emotional learning that takes place.  The way you talk to kids really cause different reactions to different kids.  There are kids who can take things and respond accordingly, and there are others who are challenging and will always be challenging.  These are the kids who we need to pay attention to how we speak.  They need more understanding and compassion.  The are also the ones that it is more difficult to show those things to, and as Rita Pierson said in her TED talk, "They are never absent!"

I had 3-4 students talk to me this year and constantly told me that the really appreciated the fact that I would listen and talk to them.  Not at them.  Students want to be heard.  Listening to student's concerns doesn't mean I am giving them what they want, but it lets them know that I care enough to hear what they are saying and willing to help them.  Talking down to students and being condescending will not build relationships with those students.  It builds up walls that that teacher will have a hard time breaking down ever again.  

I am going to finish with a video of Samuel Martin.  He is a 16 year old whose message in a TEDxYouth talk demonstrates the power that our words have.   In the video he mentions, "A wiseman speaks because he has something to say, but fools because they have to say something." 

 It is important that when we speak to our students that we speak to them in ways that builds them and their confidence.  As teachers, we need to ask ourselves if we would want a teacher to speak to our own child they way we speak to our challenging students.  If we are the ones who would be upset, then we better think about changing the way we speak to our students.  Using our words to embarrass or shame a child is uncalled for and has no place in education, or society for that matter.  

Being genuine, having empathy and investing in children are all products of how we talk to children and the use of our words.  Choose to build up kids!  

The Importance of Developing Grit and Perseverance

As I sit her and think about 2 things I would like my students to learn and understand this year, grit and perseverance are the two things that come to mind.  These two nouns are similar in definition, but are still different.  These are 2 skills I want all my students to develop.

The definition of grit:  courage and resolve; strength of character.

The definition of perseverance:  steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
After looking deeper at the definitions, you can't persevere without having grit. Grit gives you the resolve to pull up your big boy/girl pants and decide that you will succeed and accomplish what you set your mind to. When you do this, you have the ability to persevere.

This is what I want to get across to my middle schoolers. Many of my middle schoolers give up when things are difficult or requires them to try something uncomfortable. It doesn't matter if it is academic, personal, sports related, music, or art. Kids do not push themselves when things get tough. That is why we need to do a better job of developing and enhancing skills in grit and perseverance.

It is something that I am calling all educators to develop in our students. Build students' grit and perseverance. These will be the students who succeed in life, overcome obstacles, and problem solve.

The movie Mcfarland, USA is a HUGE metaphor of both of these words. It also encompasses more than just the runners and the sport of cross county, but also, the lives of the people (the pickers, the teachers, the parents, Jim White).

As the song in this movie talks about the runners working "juntos" (together in Spanish), grit and perseverance work juntos as well.  It is impossible to persevere without grit.

This is going to be my focus and theme for the year. We are starting the year by doing a beginning of the school year #oneword. Every student will write their word on an index card or stickie and I will hang them in the hall. I will model the idea by sharing what my 2 #oneword(s) are (I'm the teacher, so I can break the rules). Students are going to monitor their one word over the year to check their progress to make sure that they are where they want to be.

I will model this with my students daily. I will walk through the new things I want to do and accomplish this year as a counselor. I will also share with them the difficulties of my wife's battle with 2 different types of cancer (thyroid and neuroendocrine) and congestive heart failure. They will see that I am choosing to show my strength of character and will remain steadfast in progress towards accomplishing my goals.

To steal a play of word off of @sheehyrw (Ryan Sheehy) book BE THE ONE FOR KIDS
#betheone to develop grit and perseverance!

Making an impact...the importance of relationships

Most teachers who made the decision to be an educator did so in order to make an impact on the lives of their students.  It sounds so simple.  Make an impact.  

That is exactly what I thought.  I wanted the movie teacher moment like Mr. Holland's Opus where all his students come back to show what he meant to them, or like the TV show Glee's moment where the students TO SIR WITH LOVE to Mr. Shu.  All my kids would love me, would love what I was teaching and wouldn't complain at things.  Boy, was I wrong.  This is one lesson I would love for brand new teachers understand.  Students not liking the lesson or not "liking" you is not personal.  They need a connection.

The educational cliché "students don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" is very true.

If we want to make an impact on the lives of our students, we must gain their trust.  We must do things that build a relationship with the student.  Do not get me wrong, I am not saying do things that make you the "popular" teacher.  I am saying that you need to do things to show the kids you care and that you are invested in them.  The graphic above that comes from Aaron Hogan's blog on his website, http://afhogan.com/credibility/ .  This gives some great ways to build trust or as Aaron says credibility.  Get to know your students!  Find things that your kids love and build those into your lessons.  Ask questions about their sports, music, art, dance, 4-H, or whatever else they are involved in.  The biggest for me....BE PRESENT.  Attend events.  This shows you care about them outside of school as much as inside.

I am getting ready for year 17 as an educator and my 4th as a middle school counselor.  I had one of our 8th grade students, who could be labeled as one of our frequent discipline issues, tell me that he respected me because I would listen to him and would talk to him with respect not like others in the building.  That meant a lot.

This comment made me think of the importance of relationships.  This graphic from @D4Griffen3 on twitter hits it out of the park.  This is exactly what the student was experiencing in multiple classes.  I would like to say that my interactions helped his behavior, but it didn't in those rooms.  I could get him to de-escalate, but certain teachers could set him off.

I am not blaming the teachers for all of the issue.  They tried things and it didn't work.  But the student did not feel like the trust was their to build a desired relationship.  

Students want to feel accepted and understood.  It is our job as educators to try to find that bridge.  We cannot always do that, but we need to do everything in our power to try.  Building trust doesn't happen all of a sudden.  It happens over time.  It is consistently showing students you care and not always being on your terms.  It takes more than one game or one conversation.  It takes nurturing.  The more you nurture and care for the relationships with your students the more you will see their effort and attitude change for what you ask them to do.  Be genuine!  Students can tell when you are not and are just feeding them a line of something.

Education is more than just teaching content.  It is giving students the desire to keep learning as they go through life.  If you want to make the biggest impact on students, build and nurture your relationships.  Jimmy Casas (@casas_jimmy) says it so well in the graphic below...

I will close with 2 graphics and a charge from Adam Welcome, #runlap @mradamwelcome, his book RUN LIKE A PIRATE will be released in July, and Ryan Sheehy, @sheehyrw, whose book BE THE ONE FOR KIDS is available for purchase.

 

Make a difference!!  #BETHEONE

Upon further review....and now moving forward

I have not blogged the way that I have wanted to or planned.  But what has gone according to plan this year?  The short answer....Not very much.

What started out as a promising school year, turned into a very bumpy and draining (emotionally and physically) year.  It started in September when my wife was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had a total thyroidectomy.  That bled into the beginning to mid October.  While recovering from that, she had a biopsy on a lung nodule.  Her lung collapsed and she was hospitalized for 2 days.  We dealt with that for a week before changing hospitals (The James Cancer Hospital is amazing).  After a couple of months and new docs, a lung wedge resection was done to check the same nodule.  This came back positive for Neuroendocrine cancer.  This saga lasted all year, and we continue the fight as there is not a cure for this type of cancer.

I tell the story not for sympathy, but to set the stage that I was in and out of school A LOT!!  So, I buckled up and did the best that I could with the time that I was there.  Looking back, I didn't get very much accomplished.  I felt like I was treading water.  I pride myself for getting in classes to teach guidance lessons.  That maybe happened 2-3 times per grade level, if I was lucky.  Also, I wasn't able to monitor my 504 caseload to the best of my abilities.  Being the advisor to National Junior Honor Society even suffered.

The first couple weeks of break have given me a chance to talk to my principal and do some honest and even hard to admit, self-reflection.  I am not beating myself up because I would choose to be by my wife's side again in a heartbeat.  I am however able to look ahead to what I want to accomplish for next year and moving forward.

After reading CULTURIZE by Jimmy Casas, I have been recharged to approach my job as a middle school counselor differently and set some objectives I want to achieve this year. 

My objectives for the year are:

• Meet with every new student to the school sometime the week after they arrive
• Have quarterly check-ins with the students on my 504 caseload to see what can be done to help
• Continue to grow the college/career readiness for the 8th graders 
• Offer small groups during the year
• anxiety
• depression
• executive functioning skills
• anger
• girl empowerment
• boys becoming gentlemen
• Documenting all my activities (Find a good way...)
• Talk 1 on 1 with every student on my caseload
• Develop better/more engaging guidance lessons
• Blog 1 time per week/biweekly

That sounds like quite a bit to focus on.  I am aiming to blog once a week or biweekly.  My aim is to post on things that I am learning.  I am going to link my blog to my school counseling page to encourage my students to follow and model lifelong learning and how to leverage blogs and social media (mainly twitter) to enhance their learning.  I have a great PLN on twitter that motivates me to continue learning and challenging me.  I recently jumped out of my comfort zone and volunteered to be one of the co-moderators for the school counseling twitter chat #scchat.  I cannot wait to learn alongside some amazing school counselors.

Jimmy Casas and Rick Czyk talk of the importance of taking control of our own professional development.  That is exactly what I am doing.  Twitter is an amazing resource for educators to meet people and grow/push each other.  

Jimmy Casas also talks about "Carrying the banner" in his book, CULTURIZE and Ryan Sheehy asks us to pick up the charge and "be the one for kids" in his book BE THE ONE.

My challenge to all educators...."Be the One!"